I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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