you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
