i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
