I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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