he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
