Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
