when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
