is your mom at the bar?
...so i touched it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
