I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
