I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
