No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
