im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
