He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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