I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
