my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I currently don't understand fingers.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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