apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
