Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
