This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
