I must be too annoying 4 u.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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