So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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