you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We are two peas in an std pod
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
