He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
