i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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