I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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