and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
