If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
