marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dignity is for republicans.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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