Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
