Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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