I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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