Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
