you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize