He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Say something about gay babies.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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