Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
