I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
