He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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