I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
