Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
