dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
