Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
