he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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