So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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