I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
