I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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