i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize