And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
