i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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