My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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