Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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