I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
