I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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