I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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