My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
