dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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