The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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