would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
