it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
