i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
