you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she told me i tasted like america
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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