I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize