If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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