i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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