Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
