Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
