everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
